01:32:14: Package picked up by Daggwood Bronson
01:32:15: Daggwood Bronson fights off Ignoracious Buttafucco and gets to keep the package
02:00:25: Someone once told Mac Nielson that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Mac Nielson knows Daggwood Bronson has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Mac Nielson but the time is almost here. Daggwood Bronson's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Mac Nielson's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Mac Nielson is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Mac Nielson the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Daggwood Bronson's ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
03:00:27: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Ignoracious Buttafucco. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Ignoracious Buttafucco mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Ignoracious Buttafucco took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Ignoracious Buttafucco put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Ignoracious Buttafucco crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Daggwood Bronson to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Daggwood Bronson came into view. Ignoracious Buttafucco pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Ignoracious Buttafucco had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Ignoracious Buttafucco barely heard Daggwood Bronson running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Daggwood Bronson continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
04:00:26: Daggwood Bronson is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Daggwood Bronson smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Daggwood Bronson lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Daggwood Bronson's adrenaline. Ignoracious Buttafucco fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Daggwood Bronson. "Not today, my friend." Daggwood Bronson twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Ignoracious Buttafucco four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
05:00:23: Mac Nielson is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by Daggwood Bronson after a failed package theft attempt. Daggwood Bronson resumes on their way.
06:00:44: Someone once told Ignoracious Buttafucco the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Daggwood Bronson got one over on Ignoracious Buttafucco once before. So definitely, for Ignoracious Buttafucco, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Ignoracious Buttafucco stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Ignoracious Buttafucco see's Daggwood Bronson running hurriedly down the street. Ignoracious Buttafucco takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Ignoracious Buttafucco ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Daggwood Bronson doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Ignoracious Buttafucco did not see before. Ignoracious Buttafucco takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Daggwood Bronson escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
07:00:28: Blaylock Samson does not normally mourn death. Blaylock Samson is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of Blaylock Samson thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as Daggwood Bronson emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. Daggwood Bronson dove, taking a shot mid-air. Daggwood Bronson was not thinking about human connection, unlike Blaylock Samson. This is arguably why Blaylock Samson was shot in the gut. Daggwood Bronson resumes their delivery, package in tow.
08:00:19: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as Blaylock Samson hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that Blaylock Samson has used it, targeting Daggwood Bronson's ship as it races across the horizon. However, Daggwood Bronson's ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. Blaylock Samson's rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. Daggwood Bronson dips their ship, skirting past Blaylock Samson and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
09:00:34: Ignoracious Buttafucco stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure Daggwood Bronson's destruction. Instead Daggwood Bronson resumes on their way, Ignoracious Buttafucco's agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
09:21:10: Iggy Starlord steals package from Daggwood Bronson
09:32:35: Package delivered by Iggy Starlord for $200,000