05:03:38: Package picked up by Leroy Palestine
05:03:39: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco)'s trap. Frantic, @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) manically runs after @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s grenades, losing a leg. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
05:06:48: @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) leaps off of a second story building on to a tall dumpster, shortening the fall. Unfortunately this dumpster is full of explosives placed by @peepso_user_322(Shadowrabbit Clayguy). @peepso_user_322(Shadowrabbit Clayguy) smiles as they plunge their thumb onto the detonator switch, their face ignited by a pillar of flames as @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) is incinerated. @peepso_user_322(Shadowrabbit Clayguy) throws the detonator over their shoulder as they pick up the package that rolls to their feet as if it was meant for them. @peepso_user_322(Shadowrabbit Clayguy) breaks into a fast run, taking the stolen package with them. "Parcel transferred," emits from their delivery bracelet signifying even more credits to be earned. "Parcel transferred, indeed," @peepso_user_322(Shadowrabbit Clayguy) whispers in reply.
05:13:10: @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at @peepso_user_322(Shadowrabbit Clayguy). @peepso_user_322(Shadowrabbit Clayguy) resumes delivery of their package.
05:13:16: As @peepso_user_322(Shadowrabbit Clayguy) rounds a corner, they are distracted for more than a split second by a hastily posted cardboard cut-out of a Zyxxan Hound fornicating with a famous human politician from centuries before. This momentarily lapse in focus is all @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) needs in order to slam a large whirring chainsaw into the chest of @peepso_user_322(Shadowrabbit Clayguy). "Parcel transferred."
06:00:35: Someone once told @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) got one over on @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) once before. So definitely, for @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco), that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) see's @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) running hurriedly down the street. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) did not see before. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
07:00:07: @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) steadily took aim from a second story window as @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
11:13:24: @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s destruction. Instead @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) resumes on their way, @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson)'s agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
12:04:41: Today started as a uniquely bright one for @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson). A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) came into view. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) barely heard @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
12:22:21: The wonderful thing about lasers, although expensive, is their ability to slice entirely through a surface and sever. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) rounds a corner and only has a split second to see a blinding red light, before being decapitated by a slicingly accurate laser blast from @peepso_user_322(Shadowrabbit Clayguy). The package rolls to their feet. "Parcel transferred." @peepso_user_322(Shadowrabbit Clayguy) resumes delivery of the stolen package.
13:02:38: @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) tried to sneak on board @peepso_user_322(Shadowrabbit Clayguy)'s ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. @peepso_user_322(Shadowrabbit Clayguy) continues their delivery.
13:09:01: Package delivered by Shadowrabbit Clayguy for $200,000