03:45:12: Package picked up by Leroy Palestine
03:45:13: Someone once told Mac Nielson the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Leroy Palestine got one over on Mac Nielson once before. So definitely, for Mac Nielson, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Mac Nielson stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Mac Nielson see's Leroy Palestine running hurriedly down the street. Mac Nielson takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Mac Nielson ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Leroy Palestine doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Mac Nielson did not see before. Mac Nielson takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Leroy Palestine escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
04:00:17: Ignoracious Buttafucco stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure Leroy Palestine's destruction. Instead Leroy Palestine resumes on their way, Ignoracious Buttafucco's agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
05:30:01: Leroy Palestine was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Mac Nielson. Luckily, Leroy Palestine vaulted over it, only severing one foot. Leroy Palestine resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
06:03:33: Ignoracious Buttafucco misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at Leroy Palestine. Leroy Palestine resumes delivery of their package.
07:00:17: Someone once told Blaylock Samson the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Leroy Palestine got one over on Blaylock Samson once before. So definitely, for Blaylock Samson, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Blaylock Samson stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Blaylock Samson see's Leroy Palestine running hurriedly down the street. Blaylock Samson takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Blaylock Samson ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Leroy Palestine doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Blaylock Samson did not see before. Blaylock Samson takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Leroy Palestine escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
08:00:40: Mac Nielson misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at Leroy Palestine. Leroy Palestine resumes delivery of their package.
09:00:40: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Ignoracious Buttafucco. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Ignoracious Buttafucco mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Ignoracious Buttafucco took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Ignoracious Buttafucco put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Ignoracious Buttafucco crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Leroy Palestine to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Leroy Palestine came into view. Ignoracious Buttafucco pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Ignoracious Buttafucco had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Ignoracious Buttafucco barely heard Leroy Palestine running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Leroy Palestine continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
11:28:04: Mac Nielson is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by Leroy Palestine after a failed package theft attempt. Leroy Palestine resumes on their way.
11:45:15: Package delivered by Leroy Palestine for $160,000