14:59:34: Package picked up by Bacon Moo
14:59:35: @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s destruction. Instead @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) resumes on their way, @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco)'s agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
14:59:45: @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship fires two nuclear torpedos into @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s ship, instantly incinerating it. The package is snagged by a lengthy magnetic tow cable. "Parcel transferred."
15:00:36: Someone once told @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) got one over on @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) once before. So definitely, for @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco), that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) see's @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) running hurriedly down the street. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) did not see before. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
15:01:04: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine). @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) resumes delivery of their package.
16:02:17: @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) steadily took aim from a second story window as @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
17:00:28: @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine). @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) resumes delivery of their package.
18:01:06: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) has used it, targeting @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship as it races across the horizon. However, @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson)'s rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) dips their ship, skirting past @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
19:00:19: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) has used it, targeting @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship as it races across the horizon. However, @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco)'s rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) dips their ship, skirting past @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
19:02:21: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) has used it, targeting @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship as it races across the horizon. However, @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) dips their ship, skirting past @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
19:02:24: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s trap. Frantic, @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) manically runs after @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s grenades, losing a leg. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
20:01:02: Someone once told @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) got one over on @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) once before. So definitely, for @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson), that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) see's @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) running hurriedly down the street. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) did not see before. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
20:05:11: @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s adrenaline. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine). "Not today, my friend." @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
20:06:36: @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) took a shortcut due to a fake sign placed by @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo), tripping over a portable road spike, and then landing in a field of Guruvian Nesters, an exotic species known for their sexual appetite. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) currently has the package.
20:25:31: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s trap. Frantic, @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) manically runs after @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s grenades, losing a leg. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
20:25:34: @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) bludgeons @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) unconscious with a large metal crowbar, laughing and dancing over their bloody mangled body. "Parcel transferred."
20:40:15: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s destruction. Instead @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) resumes on their way, @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
20:40:17: Someone once told @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) knows @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) but the time is almost here. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship comes over the horizon. There it is. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
20:40:20: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s ship fires two nuclear torpedos into @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship, instantly incinerating it. The package is snagged by a lengthy magnetic tow cable. "Parcel transferred."
20:48:42: @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) successfully spears @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) to a wall through their chest. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) has time to yell, "You bastard," as @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) snags the package from the ground in front of them. "Parcel transferred."
20:50:38: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s trap. Frantic, @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) manically runs after @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s grenades, losing a leg. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
20:50:42: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s destruction. Instead @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) resumes on their way, @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
20:50:45: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) tried to sneak on board @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) continues their delivery.
20:50:47: The smell of @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s completely immolated ship flares up @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s nostrils as a tow cable yanks the package from the flaming wreck. "Parcel transferred" emit's from @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s bracelet, signaling more credits to be made. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) continues towards the delivery point, package in tow.
20:51:09: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine). Luckily, @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) vaulted over it, only severing one foot. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
20:51:12: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) took a shortcut due to a fake sign placed by @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine), tripping over a portable road spike, and then landing in a field of Guruvian Nesters, an exotic species known for their sexual appetite. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) currently has the package.
21:01:12: Today started as a uniquely bright one for @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson). A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) came into view. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) barely heard @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
21:28:17: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) steadily took aim from a second story window as @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
21:28:20: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine). @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) resumes delivery of their package.
21:28:22: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) tried to sneak on board @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) continues their delivery.
21:28:24: The smell of @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s completely immolated ship flares up @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s nostrils as a tow cable yanks the package from the flaming wreck. "Parcel transferred" emit's from @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s bracelet, signaling more credits to be made. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) continues towards the delivery point, package in tow.
22:00:22: @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) does not normally mourn death. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) dove, taking a shot mid-air. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) was not thinking about human connection, unlike @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson). This is arguably why @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) was shot in the gut. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) resumes their delivery, package in tow.
22:12:56: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) has managed to somehow evade theft of the package thus far. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) is feeling good. DAMN good. Unfortunately that feeling is momentarily suspended as a shot rings out, severing a cable holding up a net full of 700 pounds of refuse with a sign that has "Eat My Fuck - Cheers, @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis)" scrawled on it in pink paint. @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) picks up the package which lies next to the mangled limbs of @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo). Fuck eaten. Good job, @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis). "Parcel Transferred." You have the package. Now get that sucker to the finish line.
22:42:06: @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo). Luckily, @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) vaulted over it, only severing one foot. @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
22:42:08: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) shot a missile at @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) and obliterated their ship. All that was left was the package which was picked up and continued its journey with @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo).
22:59:34: Package delivered by Bacon Moo for $680,000