12:54:17: Package picked up by Michael Bruggman
12:54:18: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco)'s trap. Frantic, @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) manically runs after @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman)'s grenades, losing a leg. @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
13:51:57: @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman)'s destruction. Instead @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) resumes on their way, @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson)'s agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
14:22:26: @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) after a failed package theft attempt. @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) resumes on their way.
15:51:40: Someone once told @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) got one over on @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) once before. So definitely, for @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson), that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) see's @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) running hurriedly down the street. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) did not see before. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
16:06:50: Today started as a uniquely bright one for @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson). A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) came into view. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) barely heard @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
18:01:56: Today started as a uniquely bright one for @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson). A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) came into view. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) barely heard @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
18:05:59: @peepso_user_134(Tharg The Mighty One) does not normally mourn death. @peepso_user_134(Tharg The Mighty One) is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of @peepso_user_134(Tharg The Mighty One) thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) dove, taking a shot mid-air. @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) was not thinking about human connection, unlike @peepso_user_134(Tharg The Mighty One). This is arguably why @peepso_user_134(Tharg The Mighty One) was shot in the gut. @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) resumes their delivery, package in tow.
18:06:22: @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman)'s adrenaline. @peepso_user_134(Tharg The Mighty One) fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman). "Not today, my friend." @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting @peepso_user_134(Tharg The Mighty One) four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
18:06:34: As @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) rounds a corner, they are distracted for more than a split second by a hastily posted cardboard cut-out of a Zyxxan Hound fornicating with a famous human politician from centuries before. This momentarily lapse in focus is all @peepso_user_134(Tharg The Mighty One) needs in order to slam a large whirring chainsaw into the chest of @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman). "Parcel transferred."
19:57:07: Today started as a uniquely bright one for @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco). A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for @peepso_user_134(Tharg The Mighty One) to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." @peepso_user_134(Tharg The Mighty One) came into view. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) barely heard @peepso_user_134(Tharg The Mighty One) running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" @peepso_user_134(Tharg The Mighty One) continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
21:17:24: Package delivered by Tharg The Mighty One for $200,000