14:09:26: Package picked up by Column McClowed
14:09:27: Someone once told Mac Nielson the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Column McClowed got one over on Mac Nielson once before. So definitely, for Mac Nielson, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Mac Nielson stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Mac Nielson see's Column McClowed running hurriedly down the street. Mac Nielson takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Mac Nielson ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Column McClowed doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Mac Nielson did not see before. Mac Nielson takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Column McClowed escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
15:00:18: Column McClowed is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Column McClowed smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Column McClowed lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Column McClowed's adrenaline. Mac Nielson fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Column McClowed. "Not today, my friend." Column McClowed twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Mac Nielson four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
16:00:31: Column McClowed was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Ignoracious Buttafucco. Luckily, Column McClowed vaulted over it, only severing one foot. Column McClowed resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
17:00:44: Blaylock Samson stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure Column McClowed's destruction. Instead Column McClowed resumes on their way, Blaylock Samson's agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
18:00:28: Someone once told Blaylock Samson the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Column McClowed got one over on Blaylock Samson once before. So definitely, for Blaylock Samson, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Blaylock Samson stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Blaylock Samson see's Column McClowed running hurriedly down the street. Blaylock Samson takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Blaylock Samson ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Column McClowed doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Blaylock Samson did not see before. Blaylock Samson takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Column McClowed escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
19:00:45: Blaylock Samson stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure Column McClowed's destruction. Instead Column McClowed resumes on their way, Blaylock Samson's agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
20:00:29: Someone once told Blaylock Samson the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Column McClowed got one over on Blaylock Samson once before. So definitely, for Blaylock Samson, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Blaylock Samson stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Blaylock Samson see's Column McClowed running hurriedly down the street. Blaylock Samson takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Blaylock Samson ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Column McClowed doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Blaylock Samson did not see before. Blaylock Samson takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Column McClowed escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
21:00:15: Ignoracious Buttafucco misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at Column McClowed. Column McClowed resumes delivery of their package.
22:00:28: Column McClowed was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Blaylock Samson. Luckily, Column McClowed vaulted over it, only severing one foot. Column McClowed resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
22:09:45: Package delivered by Column McClowed for $180,000