11:32:47: Package picked up by Feisty Gazebo
11:32:48: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Ignoracious Buttafucco. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Ignoracious Buttafucco mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Ignoracious Buttafucco took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Ignoracious Buttafucco put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Ignoracious Buttafucco crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Feisty Gazebo to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Feisty Gazebo came into view. Ignoracious Buttafucco pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Ignoracious Buttafucco had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Ignoracious Buttafucco barely heard Feisty Gazebo running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Feisty Gazebo continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
12:20:37: Blaylock Samson tried to sneak on board Feisty Gazebo's ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. Feisty Gazebo continues their delivery.
13:00:27: Ignoracious Buttafucco stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure Feisty Gazebo's destruction. Instead Feisty Gazebo resumes on their way, Ignoracious Buttafucco's agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
14:28:39: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as Ignoracious Buttafucco hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that Ignoracious Buttafucco has used it, targeting Feisty Gazebo's ship as it races across the horizon. However, Feisty Gazebo's ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. Ignoracious Buttafucco's rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. Feisty Gazebo dips their ship, skirting past Ignoracious Buttafucco and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
15:10:05: Mac Nielson tried to sneak on board Feisty Gazebo's ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. Feisty Gazebo continues their delivery.
15:14:02: Feisty Gazebo is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Feisty Gazebo smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Feisty Gazebo lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Feisty Gazebo's adrenaline. Calto Fremis fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Feisty Gazebo. "Not today, my friend." Feisty Gazebo twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Calto Fremis four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
15:14:07: Calto Fremis bludgeons Feisty Gazebo unconscious with a large metal crowbar, laughing and dancing over their bloody mangled body. "Parcel transferred."
15:19:09: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as Feisty Gazebo hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that Feisty Gazebo has used it, targeting Calto Fremis's ship as it races across the horizon. However, Calto Fremis's ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. Feisty Gazebo's rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. Calto Fremis dips their ship, skirting past Feisty Gazebo and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
15:24:43: As Calto Fremis rounds a corner, they are distracted for more than a split second by a hastily posted cardboard cut-out of a Zyxxan Hound fornicating with a famous human politician from centuries before. This momentarily lapse in focus is all Feisty Gazebo needs in order to slam a large whirring chainsaw into the chest of Calto Fremis. "Parcel transferred."
15:34:46: Package delivered by Feisty Gazebo for $180,000