15:20:58: Package picked up by Pouncy Sillybear
15:20:59: @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) tried to sneak on board @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear)'s ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) continues their delivery.
16:06:28: @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) after a failed package theft attempt. @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) resumes on their way.
16:52:53: @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) has managed to somehow evade theft of the package thus far. @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) is feeling good. DAMN good. Unfortunately that feeling is momentarily suspended as a shot rings out, severing a cable holding up a net full of 700 pounds of refuse with a sign that has "Eat My Fuck - Cheers, @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)" scrawled on it in pink paint. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) picks up the package which lies next to the mangled limbs of @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear). Fuck eaten. Good job, @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine). "Parcel Transferred." You have the package. Now get that sucker to the finish line.
17:00:57: @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s destruction. Instead @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) resumes on their way, @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson)'s agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
17:34:47: As @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) rounds a corner, they are distracted for more than a split second by a hastily posted cardboard cut-out of a Zyxxan Hound fornicating with a famous human politician from centuries before. This momentarily lapse in focus is all @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) needs in order to slam a large whirring chainsaw into the chest of @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine). "Parcel transferred."
18:00:46: @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear)'s adrenaline. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear). "Not today, my friend." @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
19:00:59: Someone once told @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) knows @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) but the time is almost here. @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear)'s ship comes over the horizon. There it is. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson)'s finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear)'s ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
20:00:27: Today started as a uniquely bright one for @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson). A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) came into view. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) barely heard @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
21:00:41: @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) after a failed package theft attempt. @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) resumes on their way.
22:02:38: Today started as a uniquely bright one for @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco). A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) came into view. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) barely heard @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
22:10:16: The wonderful thing about lasers, although expensive, is their ability to slice entirely through a surface and sever. @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) rounds a corner and only has a split second to see a blinding red light, before being decapitated by a slicingly accurate laser blast from @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine). The package rolls to their feet. "Parcel transferred." @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) resumes delivery of the stolen package.
22:40:45: @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) has managed to somehow evade theft of the package thus far. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) is feeling good. DAMN good. Unfortunately that feeling is momentarily suspended as a shot rings out, severing a cable holding up a net full of 700 pounds of refuse with a sign that has "Eat My Fuck - Cheers, @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear)" scrawled on it in pink paint. @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) picks up the package which lies next to the mangled limbs of @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine). Fuck eaten. Good job, @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear). "Parcel Transferred." You have the package. Now get that sucker to the finish line.
23:04:22: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco)'s trap. Frantic, @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) manically runs after @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear)'s grenades, losing a leg. @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
23:04:43: @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) has been sucked into a portable black hole shot from @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s MSK-8500 rifle, not only losing the package to @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine), but flung to unknown reaches of the universe. "Parcel transferred."
23:29:04: Package delivered by Leroy Palestine for $280,000