07:31:58: Package picked up by Calto Fremis
07:31:59: Someone once told Mac Nielson that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Mac Nielson knows Calto Fremis has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Mac Nielson but the time is almost here. Calto Fremis's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Mac Nielson's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Mac Nielson is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Mac Nielson the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Calto Fremis's ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
08:00:23: Blaylock Samson is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by Calto Fremis after a failed package theft attempt. Calto Fremis resumes on their way.
09:15:14: Someone once told Ignoracious Buttafucco that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Ignoracious Buttafucco knows Calto Fremis has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Ignoracious Buttafucco but the time is almost here. Calto Fremis's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Ignoracious Buttafucco's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Ignoracious Buttafucco is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Ignoracious Buttafucco the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Calto Fremis's ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
11:17:33: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Ignoracious Buttafucco. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Ignoracious Buttafucco mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Ignoracious Buttafucco took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Ignoracious Buttafucco put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Ignoracious Buttafucco crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Calto Fremis to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Calto Fremis came into view. Ignoracious Buttafucco pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Ignoracious Buttafucco had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Ignoracious Buttafucco barely heard Calto Fremis running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Calto Fremis continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
11:36:35: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. Column McClowed has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. Calto Fremis ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. Calto Fremis almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in Column McClowed's trap. Frantic, Calto Fremis activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, Calto Fremis hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As Column McClowed manically runs after Calto Fremis firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of Calto Fremis's grenades, losing a leg. Calto Fremis continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
11:36:42: Column McClowed does not normally mourn death. Column McClowed is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of Column McClowed thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as Calto Fremis emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. Calto Fremis dove, taking a shot mid-air. Calto Fremis was not thinking about human connection, unlike Column McClowed. This is arguably why Column McClowed was shot in the gut. Calto Fremis resumes their delivery, package in tow.
11:36:46: Column McClowed stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure Calto Fremis's destruction. Instead Calto Fremis resumes on their way, Column McClowed's agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
11:36:52: Calto Fremis is bloody from head to toe after a rough number of successful entanglements. "Geronimo, fuckstick!" They look up at the voice and see a a dot in the sky. It quickly turns into two dots: a sky born Column McClowed on a rocket powered hang-glider, and the portable thermonuclear device they've dropped. "Parcel transferred," can be heard from dispatch as Column McClowed swoops past the mangled corpse and snags the package.
13:47:30: Column McClowed was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Mac Nielson. Luckily, Column McClowed vaulted over it, only severing one foot. Column McClowed resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
14:00:20: Ignoracious Buttafucco stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure Column McClowed's destruction. Instead Column McClowed resumes on their way, Ignoracious Buttafucco's agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
14:11:15: Calto Fremis does not normally mourn death. Calto Fremis is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of Calto Fremis thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as Column McClowed emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. Column McClowed dove, taking a shot mid-air. Column McClowed was not thinking about human connection, unlike Calto Fremis. This is arguably why Calto Fremis was shot in the gut. Column McClowed resumes their delivery, package in tow.
14:11:21: As Column McClowed rounds a corner, they are distracted for more than a split second by a hastily posted cardboard cut-out of a Zyxxan Hound fornicating with a famous human politician from centuries before. This momentarily lapse in focus is all Calto Fremis needs in order to slam a large whirring chainsaw into the chest of Column McClowed. "Parcel transferred."
14:49:54: L.R. Snipestress successfully spears Calto Fremis to a wall through their chest. Calto Fremis has time to yell, "You bastard," as L.R. Snipestress snags the package from the ground in front of them. "Parcel transferred."
15:00:01: L.R. Snipestress is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but L.R. Snipestress smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. L.R. Snipestress lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises L.R. Snipestress's adrenaline. Ignoracious Buttafucco fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of L.R. Snipestress. "Not today, my friend." L.R. Snipestress twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Ignoracious Buttafucco four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
15:23:49: Calto Fremis bludgeons L.R. Snipestress unconscious with a large metal crowbar, laughing and dancing over their bloody mangled body. "Parcel transferred."
15:36:42: Package delivered by Calto Fremis for $300,000