10:13:23: Package picked up by Sonny Bill Spider
10:13:24: Blaylock Samson steadily took aim from a second story window as Sonny Bill Spider ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, Blaylock Samson inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. Sonny Bill Spider resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
11:00:33: Sonny Bill Spider is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Sonny Bill Spider smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Sonny Bill Spider lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Sonny Bill Spider's adrenaline. Blaylock Samson fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Sonny Bill Spider. "Not today, my friend." Sonny Bill Spider twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Blaylock Samson four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
12:00:54: Mac Nielson is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by Sonny Bill Spider after a failed package theft attempt. Sonny Bill Spider resumes on their way.
13:00:44: Blaylock Samson stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure Sonny Bill Spider's destruction. Instead Sonny Bill Spider resumes on their way, Blaylock Samson's agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
14:00:20: Someone once told Ignoracious Buttafucco the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Sonny Bill Spider got one over on Ignoracious Buttafucco once before. So definitely, for Ignoracious Buttafucco, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Ignoracious Buttafucco stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Ignoracious Buttafucco see's Sonny Bill Spider running hurriedly down the street. Ignoracious Buttafucco takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Ignoracious Buttafucco ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Sonny Bill Spider doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Ignoracious Buttafucco did not see before. Ignoracious Buttafucco takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Sonny Bill Spider escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
14:02:33: Column McClowed fires two pistol shots at Sonny Bill Spider's kneecaps, dropping them to their knees. "Parcel transferred."
15:00:20: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. Blaylock Samson has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. Column McClowed ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. Column McClowed almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in Blaylock Samson's trap. Frantic, Column McClowed activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, Column McClowed hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As Blaylock Samson manically runs after Column McClowed firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of Column McClowed's grenades, losing a leg. Column McClowed continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
15:00:26: Leroy Palestine bludgeons Column McClowed unconscious with a large metal crowbar, laughing and dancing over their bloody mangled body. "Parcel transferred."
16:00:57: Blaylock Samson does not normally mourn death. Blaylock Samson is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of Blaylock Samson thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as Leroy Palestine emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. Leroy Palestine dove, taking a shot mid-air. Leroy Palestine was not thinking about human connection, unlike Blaylock Samson. This is arguably why Blaylock Samson was shot in the gut. Leroy Palestine resumes their delivery, package in tow.
17:00:24: Ignoracious Buttafucco stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure Leroy Palestine's destruction. Instead Leroy Palestine resumes on their way, Ignoracious Buttafucco's agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
18:00:54: Ignoracious Buttafucco misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at Leroy Palestine. Leroy Palestine resumes delivery of their package.
18:13:27: Package delivered by Leroy Palestine for $220,000