02:35:52: Package picked up by Leroy Palestine
02:35:53: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. Ignoracious Buttafucco has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. Leroy Palestine ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. Leroy Palestine almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in Ignoracious Buttafucco's trap. Frantic, Leroy Palestine activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, Leroy Palestine hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As Ignoracious Buttafucco manically runs after Leroy Palestine firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of Leroy Palestine's grenades, losing a leg. Leroy Palestine continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
03:00:26: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Blaylock Samson. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Blaylock Samson mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Blaylock Samson took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Blaylock Samson put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Blaylock Samson crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Leroy Palestine to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Leroy Palestine came into view. Blaylock Samson pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Blaylock Samson had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Blaylock Samson barely heard Leroy Palestine running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Leroy Palestine continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
04:00:28: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Ignoracious Buttafucco. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Ignoracious Buttafucco mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Ignoracious Buttafucco took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Ignoracious Buttafucco put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Ignoracious Buttafucco crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Leroy Palestine to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Leroy Palestine came into view. Ignoracious Buttafucco pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Ignoracious Buttafucco had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Ignoracious Buttafucco barely heard Leroy Palestine running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Leroy Palestine continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
05:00:24: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. Ignoracious Buttafucco has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. Leroy Palestine ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. Leroy Palestine almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in Ignoracious Buttafucco's trap. Frantic, Leroy Palestine activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, Leroy Palestine hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As Ignoracious Buttafucco manically runs after Leroy Palestine firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of Leroy Palestine's grenades, losing a leg. Leroy Palestine continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
06:00:36: Leroy Palestine is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Leroy Palestine smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Leroy Palestine lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Leroy Palestine's adrenaline. Mac Nielson fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Leroy Palestine. "Not today, my friend." Leroy Palestine twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Mac Nielson four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
07:00:18: Someone once told Ignoracious Buttafucco the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Leroy Palestine got one over on Ignoracious Buttafucco once before. So definitely, for Ignoracious Buttafucco, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Ignoracious Buttafucco stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Ignoracious Buttafucco see's Leroy Palestine running hurriedly down the street. Ignoracious Buttafucco takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Ignoracious Buttafucco ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Leroy Palestine doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Ignoracious Buttafucco did not see before. Ignoracious Buttafucco takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Leroy Palestine escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
08:00:30: Blaylock Samson does not normally mourn death. Blaylock Samson is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of Blaylock Samson thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as Leroy Palestine emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. Leroy Palestine dove, taking a shot mid-air. Leroy Palestine was not thinking about human connection, unlike Blaylock Samson. This is arguably why Blaylock Samson was shot in the gut. Leroy Palestine resumes their delivery, package in tow.
09:00:44: Mac Nielson does not normally mourn death. Mac Nielson is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of Mac Nielson thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as Leroy Palestine emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. Leroy Palestine dove, taking a shot mid-air. Leroy Palestine was not thinking about human connection, unlike Mac Nielson. This is arguably why Mac Nielson was shot in the gut. Leroy Palestine resumes their delivery, package in tow.
10:00:29: Mac Nielson stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure Leroy Palestine's destruction. Instead Leroy Palestine resumes on their way, Mac Nielson's agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
10:36:22: Package delivered by Leroy Palestine for $180,000