17:48:44: Package picked up by Remi Delux
17:48:45: Someone once told Ignoracious Buttafucco that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business.  Not personal.  Do not concern yourself with revenge.  Ignoracious Buttafucco knows Remi Delux has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory.  The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Ignoracious Buttafucco but the time is almost here.  Remi Delux's ship comes over the horizon.  There it is. Ignoracious Buttafucco's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on.  A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action.  Ignoracious Buttafucco is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error.  This mistake would sting Ignoracious Buttafucco the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location.  Remi Delux's ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
18:04:57: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Ignoracious Buttafucco.  A wonderful breakfast.  "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover.  Ignoracious Buttafucco mused, "Why ruin a good thing?  I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery."  Ignoracious Buttafucco took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal.  "Ah, that's the one.  I'm here already."  Ignoracious Buttafucco put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod.  Ignoracious Buttafucco crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Remi Delux to come running down the road, package in tow.  "I know this one.  Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum.  They won't be able to handle this either."  Remi Delux came into view.  Ignoracious Buttafucco pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism.  Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Ignoracious Buttafucco had just left.  "What?  How?"  As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Ignoracious Buttafucco barely heard Remi Delux running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!"  Remi Delux continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
19:00:34: Ignoracious Buttafucco stumbles into their own trap:  a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure Remi Delux's destruction.  Instead Remi Delux resumes on their way, Ignoracious Buttafucco's agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
20:00:32: Blaylock Samson is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by Remi Delux after a failed package theft attempt.  Remi Delux resumes on their way.
21:00:35: Remi Delux was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Blaylock Samson.  Luckily, Remi Delux vaulted over it, only severing one foot.  Remi Delux resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
21:02:50: Brendon Hitchcock's ship rams head-first into Remi Delux's ship, utilizing a superheated prow to disintegrate Remi Delux's cockpit.  The package is snagged by Brendon Hitchcock after a daring space walk.  "Parcel transferred."
21:48:44: Package delivered by Brendon Hitchcock for $120,000