12:55:01: Package picked up by Column McClowed
12:55:02: Column McClowed is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Column McClowed smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Column McClowed lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Column McClowed's adrenaline. Mac Nielson fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Column McClowed. "Not today, my friend." Column McClowed twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Mac Nielson four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
13:00:20: Blaylock Samson does not normally mourn death. Blaylock Samson is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of Blaylock Samson thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as Column McClowed emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. Column McClowed dove, taking a shot mid-air. Column McClowed was not thinking about human connection, unlike Blaylock Samson. This is arguably why Blaylock Samson was shot in the gut. Column McClowed resumes their delivery, package in tow.
14:00:42: Ignoracious Buttafucco stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure Column McClowed's destruction. Instead Column McClowed resumes on their way, Ignoracious Buttafucco's agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
15:00:45: Blaylock Samson is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by Column McClowed after a failed package theft attempt. Column McClowed resumes on their way.
16:00:03: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as Blaylock Samson hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that Blaylock Samson has used it, targeting Column McClowed's ship as it races across the horizon. However, Column McClowed's ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. Blaylock Samson's rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. Column McClowed dips their ship, skirting past Blaylock Samson and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
17:00:22: Someone once told Ignoracious Buttafucco that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Ignoracious Buttafucco knows Column McClowed has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Ignoracious Buttafucco but the time is almost here. Column McClowed's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Ignoracious Buttafucco's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Ignoracious Buttafucco is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Ignoracious Buttafucco the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Column McClowed's ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
18:00:24: Column McClowed is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Column McClowed smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Column McClowed lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Column McClowed's adrenaline. Mac Nielson fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Column McClowed. "Not today, my friend." Column McClowed twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Mac Nielson four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
19:00:54: Someone once told Blaylock Samson that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Blaylock Samson knows Column McClowed has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Blaylock Samson but the time is almost here. Column McClowed's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Blaylock Samson's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Blaylock Samson is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Blaylock Samson the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Column McClowed's ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
20:00:24: Blaylock Samson steadily took aim from a second story window as Column McClowed ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, Blaylock Samson inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. Column McClowed resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
20:19:49: Column McClowed is bloody from head to toe after a rough number of successful entanglements. "Geronimo, fuckstick!" They look up at the voice and see a a dot in the sky. It quickly turns into two dots: a sky born Leroy Palestine on a rocket powered hang-glider, and the portable thermonuclear device they've dropped. "Parcel transferred," can be heard from dispatch as Leroy Palestine swoops past the mangled corpse and snags the package.
20:30:47: Column McClowed tried to sneak on board Leroy Palestine's ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. Leroy Palestine continues their delivery.
20:30:55: Leroy Palestine is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Leroy Palestine smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Leroy Palestine lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Leroy Palestine's adrenaline. Column McClowed fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Leroy Palestine. "Not today, my friend." Leroy Palestine twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Column McClowed four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
20:30:59: Someone once told Column McClowed that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Column McClowed knows Leroy Palestine has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Column McClowed but the time is almost here. Leroy Palestine's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Column McClowed's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Column McClowed is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Column McClowed the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Leroy Palestine's ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
20:31:03: Leroy Palestine is bloody from head to toe after a rough number of successful entanglements. "Geronimo, fuckstick!" They look up at the voice and see a a dot in the sky. It quickly turns into two dots: a sky born Column McClowed on a rocket powered hang-glider, and the portable thermonuclear device they've dropped. "Parcel transferred," can be heard from dispatch as Column McClowed swoops past the mangled corpse and snags the package.
20:42:44: Column McClowed is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Column McClowed smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Column McClowed lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Column McClowed's adrenaline. Leroy Palestine fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Column McClowed. "Not today, my friend." Column McClowed twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Leroy Palestine four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
20:42:49: Leroy Palestine tried to sneak on board Column McClowed's ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. Column McClowed continues their delivery.
20:43:01: Column McClowed has been sucked into a portable black hole shot from Leroy Palestine's MSK-8500 rifle, not only losing the package to Leroy Palestine, but flung to unknown reaches of the universe. "Parcel transferred."
20:55:17: Package delivered by Leroy Palestine for $340,000