22:27:40: Package picked up by Iggy Starlord
22:27:41: Iggy Starlord is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Iggy Starlord smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Iggy Starlord lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Iggy Starlord's adrenaline. Blaylock Samson fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Iggy Starlord. "Not today, my friend." Iggy Starlord twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Blaylock Samson four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
23:00:23: Someone once told Blaylock Samson that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Blaylock Samson knows Iggy Starlord has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Blaylock Samson but the time is almost here. Iggy Starlord's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Blaylock Samson's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Blaylock Samson is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Blaylock Samson the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Iggy Starlord's ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
23:02:41: Calto Fremis misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at Iggy Starlord. Iggy Starlord resumes delivery of their package.
23:02:45: Someone once told Calto Fremis the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Iggy Starlord got one over on Calto Fremis once before. So definitely, for Calto Fremis, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Calto Fremis stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Calto Fremis see's Iggy Starlord running hurriedly down the street. Calto Fremis takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Calto Fremis ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Iggy Starlord doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Calto Fremis did not see before. Calto Fremis takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Iggy Starlord escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
23:02:52: Calto Fremis's ship fires two nuclear torpedos into Iggy Starlord's ship, instantly incinerating it. The package is snagged by a lengthy magnetic tow cable. "Parcel transferred."
23:21:34: Calto Fremis has managed to somehow evade theft of the package thus far. Calto Fremis is feeling good. DAMN good. Unfortunately that feeling is momentarily suspended as a shot rings out, severing a cable holding up a net full of 700 pounds of refuse with a sign that has "Eat My Fuck - Cheers, Sonny Bill Spider" scrawled on it in pink paint. Sonny Bill Spider picks up the package which lies next to the mangled limbs of Calto Fremis. Fuck eaten. Good job, Sonny Bill Spider. "Parcel Transferred." You have the package. Now get that sucker to the finish line.
23:44:41: Calto Fremis stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure Sonny Bill Spider's destruction. Instead Sonny Bill Spider resumes on their way, Calto Fremis's agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
01:07:06: As Sonny Bill Spider rounds a corner, they are distracted for more than a split second by a hastily posted cardboard cut-out of a Zyxxan Hound fornicating with a famous human politician from centuries before. This momentarily lapse in focus is all Sable Nyx needs in order to slam a large whirring chainsaw into the chest of Sonny Bill Spider. "Parcel transferred."
02:52:17: Sonny Bill Spider steadily took aim from a second story window as Sable Nyx ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, Sonny Bill Spider inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. Sable Nyx resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
02:52:21: Sable Nyx is bloody from head to toe after a rough number of successful entanglements. "Geronimo, fuckstick!" They look up at the voice and see a a dot in the sky. It quickly turns into two dots: a sky born Sonny Bill Spider on a rocket powered hang-glider, and the portable thermonuclear device they've dropped. "Parcel transferred," can be heard from dispatch as Sonny Bill Spider swoops past the mangled corpse and snags the package.
06:27:40: Package delivered by Sonny Bill Spider for $200,000