16:51:57: Package picked up by Bacon Moo
16:51:58: Someone once told @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) got one over on @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) once before. So definitely, for @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson), that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) see's @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) running hurriedly down the street. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) did not see before. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
17:02:00: @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) steadily took aim from a second story window as @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
17:10:28: Someone once told @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) knows @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) but the time is almost here. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s ship comes over the horizon. There it is. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
17:10:33: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) has managed to somehow evade theft of the package thus far. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) is feeling good. DAMN good. Unfortunately that feeling is momentarily suspended as a shot rings out, severing a cable holding up a net full of 700 pounds of refuse with a sign that has "Eat My Fuck - Cheers, @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)" scrawled on it in pink paint. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) picks up the package which lies next to the mangled limbs of @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo). Fuck eaten. Good job, @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine). "Parcel Transferred." You have the package. Now get that sucker to the finish line.
17:56:42: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine). @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) resumes delivery of their package.
17:56:44: Someone once told @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) got one over on @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) once before. So definitely, for @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo), that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) see's @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) running hurriedly down the street. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) did not see before. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
17:56:47: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) has used it, targeting @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship as it races across the horizon. However, @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) dips their ship, skirting past @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
17:56:51: @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) was feeling THAT feeling. The feeling of the win just over the horizon. A smile crept across @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s face, thinking of exactly what they would use these credits to purchase, when @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) launched an electrified bola at their feet. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) can't quite internalize that the most painful step is also the most confident, as a dart is lodged into their neck before @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s head even hits the ground, bringing on many hours of sleep. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) smiles as their delivery bracelet emits the familiar "Parcel transferred" message.
18:00:58: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson). Luckily, @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) vaulted over it, only severing one foot. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
19:01:04: @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) does not normally mourn death. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) dove, taking a shot mid-air. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) was not thinking about human connection, unlike @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson). This is arguably why @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) was shot in the gut. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) resumes their delivery, package in tow.
20:01:38: @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) does not normally mourn death. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) dove, taking a shot mid-air. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) was not thinking about human connection, unlike @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson). This is arguably why @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) was shot in the gut. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) resumes their delivery, package in tow.
21:01:11: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) has used it, targeting @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s ship as it races across the horizon. However, @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson)'s rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) dips their ship, skirting past @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
22:00:28: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s adrenaline. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo). "Not today, my friend." @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
23:00:24: Someone once told @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) got one over on @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) once before. So definitely, for @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco), that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) see's @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) running hurriedly down the street. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) did not see before. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
00:52:34: Package delivered by Bacon Moo for $280,000